fonostrong

Let Me Go

Wed, 28 Jun 2023 13:17:35 GMT

Let Me Go

June 27, 2023

Sleeplessly she tossed through the night. Just as she thought she finally slept, she heard his voice as clear as if he was next to her saying, “Let Me Go”. Immediately she awoke, shaking it off as you would, the most fearful thing imagined (for me, snakes). Fear, uneasiness, a thumping heart, with foreboding questions kept her tired brain from doing anything more than just sit, and sit, and sit…. The phone call came about three hours later. “Can you come to the hospital. There’s nothing more we can do for your husband. He is projected to go at any time now. I’m sorry, there can only be two family members allowed”.

I was away in college when I got the news of my beloved mother’s passing ages ago. That was painful. This though was a whole different kind of pain. Gut wrenching. Piercing. So so sorrowful. As people of faith, we talked about death, with each other, with our children. It’s the completion of our life cycle here on earth, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die”. This however, was not the ending I contemplated of our beautiful life together. For everything that we went through in our life together, especially with his health, I was with him. We were inseparable. We were that pair that stood by for each other in all things. As anyone can imagine, the tremendous pain I felt was unbearable. There was the pain of my children, whom I gave them the decision to decide on who to go in with me. There was the pain of our entire family, who kept vigil in hope and prayers. Due to covid restrictions, none of us could see him for the two weeks he was admitted, until they could not do anything for him. Oh the pain!!

Fono had the will. He was always iron clad in what he believed and loved. I know that he fought hard to win his battle. I imagine though the loneliness and fear without love, compassion, touch that every human needs as encouragement had a toll on his efforts. His letting me know, “let me go”, is that inseparable bond we had. He knew my pain, to say he’s okay to go, was the strength and calmness that gave me to get through that moment I finally saw him, to the rest that followed. When I finally saw him, I clearly realized with every fiber in my being how much I did want to see him rest. The only thing I could do was to whisper love and encouragement, that he did such a good job, and to hold him as I let him go. The pain of feeling cheated of my husband’s last days will forever be my cross to bear. This is my Covid nightmare.

Fono and I had a beautiful journey together. No, not perfect as were such imperfect people. We were like in a revolving school, continuously learning from each other. We weren't a pea in a pod. Nope, we had quite a few differences in our viewpoints and lifestyles. My playlist can be pop favorites of the 70's and 80's. His could be strings of favorite samoan artists. However, we would totally jam together to Stevie Wonder's "I just called to say, I love you", and harmonize to "Leafaitulagi". We compromised well! The key though to our bond was our equal love for God, and because of that, we stormed through life weathering every tempest and experiences of bliss sailing. The way his story ended is hard for me to accept so I share him, this remarkable human being, who saw himself only as a ‘servant of servant’.

I know that I am not the only one who have experienced loss, especially in the worst epidemic lived. Our lives take so many unexpected turns. Despite the pains, we get through it. We do. We must. We live on. However, our life remains significant. It can be a beacon of hope for someone else. Our stories must be told, lest forgotten. There's space here for yours. Let it be a light for someone else.

Home of Navigators

Mon, 12 Jun 2023 13:17:35 GMT

Home of Navigators

June 12, 2023

Fono was a thinker, and a creator of interesting things. My oldest daughter is called Faailovaiolandria (combination of my mother, and end parts of people’s names who were dear friends of ours). My grandson is Lealofisaoletupuoletaisamasamaoletuimanu’a (name parts that ties our heritage). This for sure is true of him. Everything that he does, he plans it out so that it is meaningful and purposeful.

Polynesian navigators can be said to be the best of its kind. They were wayfinders. Relying totally on reading the night sky, placement of the sun, the way of currents, flights of birds to find their way through the unknown seas can rightly be said they were truly the best. For that, they can be said to be geniuses. They had to be very courageous. In making Navigators the mascot of Ofu-Olosega Elementary, Fono wanted students to align their spark of quest in life, with those of olden polynesian navigators. After completion of sign, for its dedication, the entire school assembled on the court overlooking the ocean. In formal speech he passionately spoke of the olden navigators, their courage, commitment, and quest to discover. He wanted students to make the connection of their own lives; that with perseverance, commitment, and courage, they too can reach their own goals.

As I look back to that moment, it was an epic setting as students faced the ocean while Fono the storyteller, sparked in them hope and visions. I can't accurately say all polynesians do this, but as a young girl growing up in Ofu, I had the hobby of reading the time (hour reading) looking at the sun. I would look at the sun and guess the time. I'd seen it in older folks conversations, "ua afa le aso" (its mid-day), and I'd look at the sun and where it was. As a pattern I made connections of its placement, and continue reading for accuracy. I’d say seventy five percent of the time I was right. Makes me think that yeah, I am truly an ancestor of the Polynesian voyagers.

Making connections, basing our choices on things we’ve learned of the past is a great way of growth. It can also be a form of living in gratitude. As I reflect to my beginnings, my family, especially my mother and grandparents, living meagerly in that tiny island of Ofu, Manu’a, I am forever grateful. No matter where I live today, even if I don’t ever have a chance to return, my connection is deep. It is my roots. My husband and I were able to serve there as teachers, the place where I was born. Moreover, he left a legacy there as generations and generations of student navigators at Ofu-Olosega Elementary, continue their pursuit as great thinkers and achievers. Yes his life was purposeful in things he did. What are some of your connections?

My Why and Doubt Hello

Fri, 09 Jun 2023 13:17:36 GMT

June 12, 2023

Welcome and hello. I have had a whole year, and some, as I thought out this project. My biggest setback was myself, not having the confidence. I am not a writer, am new to using the internet in such a way, to memorialize someone. How will it be received, if at all? What will be the criticism? Who would even follow? Questions, questions, and more questions results in lingering doubts, and no production. An interest is only that when not worked on right?

Sometimes something happens to bring a spark. All America had probably got wind of a sensational young man who had a passion (singing), put his hat in a very competitive show, and became a household name. Yes, I am talking about William (IAM) Tongi who won this year’s American Idol competition. I don’t watch television, so I didn’t get hold of the frenzy until the finals. In just one night, I rewound IAM’s journey, and it was amazing. The audition song, Monsters by James Blunt (emotional touching song), was enough to pique the interest and the rest is history, with plenty of tears that went along with it. I was extremely proud of this young man. Losing his father, yet fulfilling his fathers dream of him entering the show took a lot of courage. He probably didn't think much of it yet, look at the results! Reading the amasses of comments was so enjoyable to me. He was the spark, the healing, that no one thought he’d bring. Yes, he did! These are some things (of thousands and thousands) said of IAM.

“I didn't lose my dad because I never had one. But this song hits me in a different way and I've been crying my heart out for hours, because I have a son, and I just wish I can someday be such an inspiring figure for him the way Rodney was and still is for Iam”

“I lost my dad 18 years ago this song hit me hard. My dad was everything to me”.

“I've seen war. I've seen killing in front of me. I've seen the inside of a prison cell. Been through a lot to make it where I am and who I am. But this man made that little boy in me come out and cry himself like a baby. The power of music can rock even the mightiest of mountains”.

“Have not watched American idol in years, I am from Ireland and oh my god this young man is just an angel on this earth with a voice so beautiful, I don’t think a song has ever really hit me this hard” .

“My father and I rarely see eye to eye, yet after hearing your performance, I have a newfound love and respect for him. I take him for granted when he's always had my back even though we had many disagreements before”.

“As a retired English teacher, I would just like to acknowledge the story telling quality. The definition of heartfelt and poignancy”.

“This kid is an Angel, helping millions grieve”.

“He won bcs he was authentically and genuinely himself. He stayed true to himself, delivering right from his soul which in turn pulled and crushed and healed every other hurting painful soul that listens to him”.

“This performance resonates with anyone who has ever had to say good bye to their dad”.

“I am a 45 year old woman, sitting at my dining table in a little village in northern England... crying into my soul. The delivery was mastery”.

“I cried like a baby. “Wont read you your wrongs or your rights” “no need to forgive no need to forget” that hits so deep, never had a good relationship with my father, he was so hard on me and the rest of my family, more than he had to be, and never cared to make a good connection between us. But i care about him and if anything ever happened to him i would be really sad. So those lines there describe how i would feel if he were to pass”.

“Look at us, everyone in the comments, appreciating this talented voice....Many of us from different backgrounds, nationalities, countries, but yet here we are feeling the same feelings I’m sure. How beautiful us humans are and how we can come together” ...

I mean, these are so beautiful. I might be very sentimental but when I hear of people being encouraged, it really makes me feel so happy.

Often, in life, we are sparked with an idea or a passion. The idea of a memoir via online came when I was in a deep grieving part of my life after my dearest love Fono passed away. It felt so wrong that I was living. He should live, he had more to give, he can do greater things for humanity. I was beat up in my sorrow, physically and mentally. As the time approached of memorializing his one year of passing (as many Samoan families do), I was even more burdened and aggrieved. I wanted him remembered, but in a meaningful way. When I thought out the scholarship in his name, as well as sharing his life, it was like a lift of my spirits. Unlike usual year remembrances, I held a church service which I knew in my heart is what he’d appreciate. The rest? Many many months later, here it is.

Just as IAM Tongi put it out there with his passion, so begins this journey. His was very successful. I am looking for a single inspired. Through anecdotes, sharing Fono’s life, as well as various topics that is meaningful to any of us living, the hope through this project is to spark interest so that we can empower ourselves with our voices, to engage conversations, and to embrace our shared values.

Faafetai tele, thank you so much. Welcome.

https://youtu.be/M9hdHDXyo-8